March 14, 2019

Death loves me

Dashielle Vawter

My spirit is shaking a rattle over my womb, it feels good
I feel how my spirit loves me
I feel something wake, warm and alive,
Not necessarily sexual… and not not sexual
But Alive and in movement
I like how it feels, ineffable womanhood

My grandmothers stand around me while I rest, sometimes warm, sometimes cold,
Snow falls all around me, drifting through the needles and through the night
I love my grandmothers, and they love me

I am here a long time

I see each color of green,
Every shade of grey, hue of blue
My heart always feels as if it will break when I notice how the world is made
The beautifully striped patterned arms of the ponderosa above me
The water letting down from the sky over there,
it looks like a bath of light,
the water catching the sun
and carrying it down through this freezing air
My god it’s all so breathtaking

I love each color, leaf, shape, moment, breeze, drop and ray
I love it and sometimes I feel I will break with adoring
I adore the tenuous and the tame
and it all loves me too
sings love directly into me

To be seen, to see, to be seen, to see

We enjoy the circle of our company and we sit together all day and night
Our glances and breaths, our sleep and our wakefulness,
it is all songs we sing to each other

So we do this game where I long to go and to stay,
to go and prepare the soup and get to work, to be with people,
to bring dreams back and live into them…

But I also long to stay…
Maybe it’s hard to understand
but I long to melt into the pine needles,
become the texture of the bark on my cheek,
to be that birds song and rise as it does…
to become the dirt,
travel with the sun,
to wrap around and kiss and be each thing

This is how I know that my death loves me too
I heard its soft momentary growl
then felt a wolf pups wet tongue kissing me
with an easy heart
Then the feeling of vast air lightening and melting into itself

About Dashielle Vawter

I’m a coach, lover, writer, singer, experimenter, dancer and adventurer. Here's to our beautiful lives together <3

Article Comments

1 comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *