November 14, 2019

It’s all mixed up now

Dashielle Vawter

As years pass the seasons seem to get more mixed, deaths during the holidays, breakups in the high bloom of summer
One year a grandfather dies
And the next year on this date a friends child is born, or I simply have a wonderful day- bright, clear, filled with meaning and love…and not a hint of something heavy
Nothing seems to be permanently afixed
To that day
Maybe I wonder if I’ll be sad or teary
Or I’ll examine the moments as they pass to see if there’s some connection on this day this year, to that day that year
Like maybe there is some magic in the day- the 18th of October, or the 22nd of January
So I look, I poke around a little
Only to find the river has continued
And the blood has been washed away
By rain and a chaotic spring,
By days too numerous to track the exact rising and falling of sorrow
Days of laundry and eating and sleeping and getting sick and getting better and working and laughing and having drinks with friends and going out of town and reading books and going to birthday parties and making faces at babies and talking in weird voices to dogs and paying taxes and and and
I remember when things were simpler
Well actually they weren’t simpler
But I remember when I resisted the way
Life seemed to confound the ideas I had
Of what life should be like
I’m not a lot older or wiser now
But I am learning how not to resist
How to let my ideas be confounded
Gleefully
Thank god

About Dashielle Vawter

I’m a coach, lover, writer, singer, experimenter, dancer and adventurer. Here's to our beautiful lives together <3

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